As I've gone through the month of November, I have participated in the 30 days of thanks on Facebook. This has gotten me thinking about all the things I am thankful for in my life. This morning, on Thanksgiving Day, God has placed it on my heart to share with you that there are things to be thankful for in dealing with infertility. Here are a few:
1. I'm thankful that I've never been pregnant. I know many of you are probably thinking, "What are you talking about?! You are going through the adoption process to get a baby, so why are you glad you've never been pregnant?!" Let me explain. I have always said that I wanted to have a child of my own. What woman doesn't. However, I have also said that I don't think I could ever be strong enough to handle getting pregnant and then suffering a miscarriage. I have known several woman who had miscarriages, some of them suffered several. I know that it has made all of these women stronger, but I don't think I am strong enough to handle that. Therefore, I am thankful that I've never gotten pregnant. For me, infertility is much easier to handle when I know I cannot get pregnant at all. Yes, I know miracles can happen. No, I'm not saying that I don't think a miracle could happen for us. But, I'm sure many other couples who have dealt with infertility will tell you that while you know miracles can happen, it is much easier to be realistic so you don't continue to be absolutely heartbroken every month when it just doesn't happen.
2. I'm thankful that these trials have brought Michael and me closer. So many times infertility issues drive couples apart. Sometimes the husband or wife can feel like they are being blamed for the infertility. How is that fair? It's not like he or she wanted this to happen! I am thankful every day for how wonderful Michael was during all the testing, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable it was for him. He has continues to be a wonderful support through all the trials we have gone through to finally make it to this point in our journey. I could not have asked for a better partner in all this. He is amazing!
3. I'm thankful for in-laws who have been through these same trials. Although I would never wish infertility on anyone, it has been extremely helpful and comforting to have the Cornwalls to talk to about our journey. They know exactly what we are going through. They are helping us with the adoption process because they went through this several times. They may have only adopted two children, but they went through the process in several different states since Mr. Cornwall was in the Air Force. Unfortunately, they also know the heartbreak of having a birth mother change her mind when they had prepared to bring home a precious baby. I pray that Michael and I do not have to deal with that, but I know if we do they will be right there with us every step of the way. They will cry with us, comfort us, and let us yell and scream if we need to. They have already let us do that so far and are able to not take anything personally because they have been in our shoes.
4. I'm thankful that God continues to teach me new things through this journey. I am learning to trust in God's perfect plan for us instead of my "perfect" plan. I am learning to trust in God's timing. It is actually an amazing and crazy thing to sit around and wonder: is our child conceived yet? Is there a birth mother out there right now that could be carrying our child?
I could probably go on with other things I'm thankful for in this time, but I'll stop there for now.
I would like to be honest about something though. During most of the year, I can go on with my life as normal and the infertility (now...2 yrs after being diagnosed) doesn't upset me as much. But, there is something about the holidays that makes it harder. Every holiday season I think, "Hopefully next year we'll have our child and will be celebrating all the fun firsts." So, as we come to another holiday season and we are still childless, it does hurt. I want so badly to be able to send out an adorable Pinterest-inspired Christmas card of my precious baby. Once again, I do know it will happen and I do trust in God's timing, but I do hope that people who have not dealt with infertility can understand our pain, especially this time of year. However, that doesn't mean you need to tiptoe around my feelings. I promise you that I am truly happy for any of my family and friends who are pregnant or have new babies.
I hope you all have a very happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy this time with your family and friends!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Plan A
Everyone has one of those mornings where you wake up in a panic wondering what day it is and fearful you overslept. That was how my Saturday started at 5:30 this morning. I guess the fact that Michael had to be up super early for work today threw me off. So, needless to say I have been up since then because I just can't go back to sleep after waking up in a panic like that.
Since I woke up early, I laid in bed and checked Facebook on my phone. Yes, this is my morning routine. Yes, I know I'm addicted. But, that's not the point. While scrolling through my newsfeed I noticed that my sister, Heather, had commented on a link to another couple's adoption blog. So, of course I decided to check it out to see how their process was going and how they had come to their decision to adopt.
What I found made me think, cry, and thank God for where we are in life. Their journey is fairly similar to ours. Marriage, trying to start a family, infertility, crying, hurting, and finally moving on.
Here is the thing that really stuck with me. The name of their blog is Cheers to Plan A. She explained that this title came from a friend of hers who has adopted who said that sometimes you have to give up plan A for God's plan. But, she made a fantastic point. God's plan is plan A! (Even though it may not be ours.) Therefore, we are working on fulfilling plan A.
I am so glad Heather commented on that link so I could see it. I look forward to continuing to follow their journey. I have a feeling I will learn many more valuable lessons through their journey as well as through our own.
Please continue to pray for us as we go through the process. Pray for our future child and his or her birth family.
Thank you, as always, for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. I know that Michael and I would not have made it to this point without everyone's support.
Since I woke up early, I laid in bed and checked Facebook on my phone. Yes, this is my morning routine. Yes, I know I'm addicted. But, that's not the point. While scrolling through my newsfeed I noticed that my sister, Heather, had commented on a link to another couple's adoption blog. So, of course I decided to check it out to see how their process was going and how they had come to their decision to adopt.
What I found made me think, cry, and thank God for where we are in life. Their journey is fairly similar to ours. Marriage, trying to start a family, infertility, crying, hurting, and finally moving on.
Here is the thing that really stuck with me. The name of their blog is Cheers to Plan A. She explained that this title came from a friend of hers who has adopted who said that sometimes you have to give up plan A for God's plan. But, she made a fantastic point. God's plan is plan A! (Even though it may not be ours.) Therefore, we are working on fulfilling plan A.
I am so glad Heather commented on that link so I could see it. I look forward to continuing to follow their journey. I have a feeling I will learn many more valuable lessons through their journey as well as through our own.
Please continue to pray for us as we go through the process. Pray for our future child and his or her birth family.
Thank you, as always, for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. I know that Michael and I would not have made it to this point without everyone's support.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Keep Calm and Fill Out The Next Form
I know I haven't written in a while, but there hasn't been much to write about.
Right now we are still working on paperwork. We've gotten most of the easy paperwork done. The main thing we have left to do now are the financial report and our autobiography.
The financial report is on hold because we decided it is best to wait until January when Michael can get on the insurance at Chappy's because the family coverage through my school was just not feasible. So, that is on hold until then.
The autobiography consists of 3 pages of questions we have to answer. We each have to answer most of the questions individually because several of them are about our families and childhood. We will get it all done, but this part is taking a lot of time. It is very stressful because you want everything to sound so perfect and amazing but, they want to know all the imperfect parts of you too. It's just overall a very interesting process. I understand the need to know all these things about us because they want to make sure they are placing an innocent child in a good and healthy environment, but sometimes it is so overwhelming. Not to mention it's hard at times not to think about how "normal" families don't have to answer pages of questions before they can have a baby.
Now, the good stuff...
First, there are 15 great people who are working on filling the baby bottles for the first round already. In fact, one person already has one full. I just have to find a time to go pick it up!
Second, a sweet, sweet friend, Jamie, has so kindly started making bows and hats to sell to raise money for us. I don't have the words to express how much this means to me. She has two boys to take care of, one of which has been in the hospital over the weekend, yet she is still willing to spend her extra time making these things to help us. I will never be able to repay her. She is truly a blessing from God!
Third, I bought a new puzzle. Once I opened the other one, I realized many of the pieces were too small to write a name on them. So, the new one is still a map of the world, but regular sized/shaped pieces and more kid friendly as well. And an added bonus, my students are having fun getting to put together the other puzzle in their free time.
I don't know how long it will be before I update again because the interviews can't start until we have all our paperwork in which can't happen 100% until the insurance stuff is settled. Thank you for all your support and encouragement!
Right now we are still working on paperwork. We've gotten most of the easy paperwork done. The main thing we have left to do now are the financial report and our autobiography.
The financial report is on hold because we decided it is best to wait until January when Michael can get on the insurance at Chappy's because the family coverage through my school was just not feasible. So, that is on hold until then.
The autobiography consists of 3 pages of questions we have to answer. We each have to answer most of the questions individually because several of them are about our families and childhood. We will get it all done, but this part is taking a lot of time. It is very stressful because you want everything to sound so perfect and amazing but, they want to know all the imperfect parts of you too. It's just overall a very interesting process. I understand the need to know all these things about us because they want to make sure they are placing an innocent child in a good and healthy environment, but sometimes it is so overwhelming. Not to mention it's hard at times not to think about how "normal" families don't have to answer pages of questions before they can have a baby.
Now, the good stuff...
First, there are 15 great people who are working on filling the baby bottles for the first round already. In fact, one person already has one full. I just have to find a time to go pick it up!
Second, a sweet, sweet friend, Jamie, has so kindly started making bows and hats to sell to raise money for us. I don't have the words to express how much this means to me. She has two boys to take care of, one of which has been in the hospital over the weekend, yet she is still willing to spend her extra time making these things to help us. I will never be able to repay her. She is truly a blessing from God!
Third, I bought a new puzzle. Once I opened the other one, I realized many of the pieces were too small to write a name on them. So, the new one is still a map of the world, but regular sized/shaped pieces and more kid friendly as well. And an added bonus, my students are having fun getting to put together the other puzzle in their free time.
I don't know how long it will be before I update again because the interviews can't start until we have all our paperwork in which can't happen 100% until the insurance stuff is settled. Thank you for all your support and encouragement!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)