Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. Psalm 27:14
I started this blog to give you all updates, but also for myself to have somewhere to put my feelings into words. I am the type of person that needs to talk about how I'm feeling. So, I appreciate you all for allowing me to be honest. In keeping with the theme of honesty, I have been really struggling with the waiting since about Christmas. Christmas is always hard because every year you hope that the next year you will have a child, so when the next year rolls around and you still don't have a child, it is hard to take. Normally after Christmas passes, I am back to being pretty patient; however, this year there was the fact that my little brother and his wife had a baby in February. Honestly, it has been harder on me than I thought it would be, although I think a lot of it is the fact that they don't live here so I don't get to see them and the baby often. Then came April. April is another rough month due to my birthday. Each passing birthday is just another year older than I wanted to be when I started a family. I never thought I would be turning 29 years old and still be childless. Believe me, I know I'm not old by any means; however, I always planned to start a family by 23-25. So, unfortunately, I have really been struggling with staying positive and hopeful lately.
For the past twelve weeks, I have had the pleasure of being involved in a small group bible study through Church of the Highlands. My friend, Robin Darby, was the leader of this group which is how I heard about it and was able to join. We read and discussed the book Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer. If you have never read it, I highly suggest it!
This week we read the last chapter of the book. Guess what this chapter was all about.....waiting! More importantly, it was about expecting God to answer your prayers even during the waiting period. God has been speaking to me a lot lately through many different things about my need to be patient, expectant, and to trust in His plan. This chapter reminded me that God is always working. I simply need to open my eyes to all that He is doing in my life now to prepare me for the day I become a mother. I am waiting for a reason. The waiting is building my faith. This verse is another reminder that God will give me the desire of my heart in His time:
For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3
Now, as Mother's Day approaches, I pray that I can continue to wait with an expectant and joyful heart. I expect God to give us our child, and I will be joyful in all the things he has all ready provided for us.
