Given all the things happening with our agency lately, we decided to call them to check on our status. I hated to be the person to call and ask about our status when our attorney and his wife are dealing with cancer and upcoming treatments, but at this point we need some reassurance.
When I called, I found out that our consultant is back in the office after taking the bar exam last week. That immediately made me feel more at ease because I feel like I have a good rapport with her, and there will be at least two people in the office at all times.
So, here is the important information that we found out:
1. They are currently working with two birth mothers who are due towards the end of the year.
2. There are only 24 couples on the waiting list.
3. We are somewhere in the "upper middle" range of the list. (I assume that probably places us somewhere between about 9-12.)
All of these things made me feel better. I was really glad to learn that they have capped off their list of waiting couples since they have so few birth mothers they are working with at the moment. It also made me feel better knowing that we have made progress in the past year of waiting.
Please pray for our attorney as he battles colon cancer. He meets with the oncologist today to figure out a treatment plan.
Also, pray that the agency will gain more birth mothers. Pray that the birth mothers they are working with will stay strong in their decision to place their child for adoption. Pray that the birth mothers will feel confident and loved through the entire process. Pray specifically for our birth mother (present or future...we do not know) and our precious baby. Pray for Michael and I as we continue to have times of struggling during this seemingly unending wait.
As always, thank you for your love, support, and prayers!
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Sunday, August 2, 2015
"How is the adoption going?"
This is the question we have been asked a lot lately. I don't mind people asking because it means that you care about us and are excited for us to be parents. Unfortunately, there is really only one answer to that question right now: we're still just waiting.
In all honesty, things are a little tough right now. We are feeling very stuck...like we are not moving any closer to our goal. Our agency has not had an adoption since mid-April. Also, last we heard, which I believe was in June, they had three birth mothers who had changed their minds in a two week span.
About two weeks ago the attorney who runs our agency was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. This has put us in a very difficult spot. The reason it's such a tough situation is because our agency is very small. There are four people that work for the agency: the attorney, his wife, and two consultants who help with all the paperwork. Obviously, the attorney will not be able to work as much as he has been once he starts treatment, and his wife will likely be with him as much as possible, which she should be. The consultant that we worked with while doing our home study is currently on sabbatical studying for her bar exam, so that leaves the other consultant basically running the agency. We received an email saying that they will continue to work as they always have, but having seen someone go through cancer treatments, I know that it is not very likely that they will be able to work like they have been.
So now, we have to decide if we should stick with the agency we are with or move on to another one. There are pros and cons to both. I wish God would send me a bright flashing sign that gives us the answer.
Honestly, the waiting is so much harder than I thought it would be. And it is really starting to hit both of us that we are definitely not getting any younger. We REALLY want a baby. We REALLY want to be parents.
It is really hard to have no idea what is going on. It's almost funny how the main thing we liked about our agency to begin with is becoming the thing that is making the waiting even harder. That being the fact that we have no idea if birth mothers are considering us for their child. At first we thought that sounded great because we wouldn't have to deal with the heartbreak of a failed adoption, but now I just feel so irritated because we have no idea if we are anywhere close to becoming parents or if we are looking at another 1-3 years of waiting.
I really wish our agency offered a Facebook group for the waiting families. I have started attending an infertility support group once a month, and it is great! But, at the same time, I'm not going through the same things as the other women in the group. I still very much appreciate their encouragement, prayers, and support. However, it would be wonderful to be able to speak with others who are not only waiting to adopt, but those who are specifically dealing with the same things we are with the agency.
Sorry the blog hasn't been updated much lately. I promise I will update when there is any important information. As always, thank you for your encouragement, prayers, and support.
Friday, May 1, 2015
The Waiting Matters
Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. Psalm 27:14
I started this blog to give you all updates, but also for myself to have somewhere to put my feelings into words. I am the type of person that needs to talk about how I'm feeling. So, I appreciate you all for allowing me to be honest. In keeping with the theme of honesty, I have been really struggling with the waiting since about Christmas. Christmas is always hard because every year you hope that the next year you will have a child, so when the next year rolls around and you still don't have a child, it is hard to take. Normally after Christmas passes, I am back to being pretty patient; however, this year there was the fact that my little brother and his wife had a baby in February. Honestly, it has been harder on me than I thought it would be, although I think a lot of it is the fact that they don't live here so I don't get to see them and the baby often. Then came April. April is another rough month due to my birthday. Each passing birthday is just another year older than I wanted to be when I started a family. I never thought I would be turning 29 years old and still be childless. Believe me, I know I'm not old by any means; however, I always planned to start a family by 23-25. So, unfortunately, I have really been struggling with staying positive and hopeful lately.
For the past twelve weeks, I have had the pleasure of being involved in a small group bible study through Church of the Highlands. My friend, Robin Darby, was the leader of this group which is how I heard about it and was able to join. We read and discussed the book Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer. If you have never read it, I highly suggest it!
This week we read the last chapter of the book. Guess what this chapter was all about.....waiting! More importantly, it was about expecting God to answer your prayers even during the waiting period. God has been speaking to me a lot lately through many different things about my need to be patient, expectant, and to trust in His plan. This chapter reminded me that God is always working. I simply need to open my eyes to all that He is doing in my life now to prepare me for the day I become a mother. I am waiting for a reason. The waiting is building my faith. This verse is another reminder that God will give me the desire of my heart in His time:
For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3
Now, as Mother's Day approaches, I pray that I can continue to wait with an expectant and joyful heart. I expect God to give us our child, and I will be joyful in all the things he has all ready provided for us.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Update plus some thoughts
Hey Everyone! I know many of you have been asking how the adoption is going. Well, we are still waiting! June 28th will be a year that we have been on the list with our agency. Unfortunately, a year is not a long time to be on an adoption wait list. Our agency does send us updates each time a baby has been adopted. So far this year, there have been six adoptions. While I am a little sad each time we get an email because it wasn't us who adopted the baby, I am happy to know that the agency is seeing a fairly steady flow of adoptions so far this year. It does give me hope that our time is coming!
Throughout the past year we have actually been contacted about four times with possible private adoption cases. Unfortunately, for different reasons in each case, none of those possibilities have panned out. However, we have learned some important things about how a private adoption would work.
One thing I want people to know when they are thinking of us for a possible private adoption situation: please find out if it is a foster care situation. If the child is all ready in DHR care, we are unable to pursue an adoption. DHR works strictly with those who are all ready licensed foster parents. While we were licensed at one point, we were not licensed through DHR.
Also, we definately appreciate everyone keeping an ear out for us, but please make sure that the woman (and man) are pretty well decided on adoption before you present them to us or vice versa. Remember: this is a very difficult situation for the birth families. We do not want to make anyone feel like we are being pushy. Most women do not make a final decision on adoption as the final choice until well into their pregnancy, so while it is nice to let them know that you know someone who is looking to adopt we don't expect anyone to make a decision within the first (probably) five months of the pregnancy. A thought might be to let the birth mother and father know that you know someone who is looking to adopt and then leave it at that. Then, once they have made a decision, they know they can contact you if they are interested in knowing more.
As always, we truly appreciate all your love, support, and prayers. Thank you for everything you do for us!
Throughout the past year we have actually been contacted about four times with possible private adoption cases. Unfortunately, for different reasons in each case, none of those possibilities have panned out. However, we have learned some important things about how a private adoption would work.
One thing I want people to know when they are thinking of us for a possible private adoption situation: please find out if it is a foster care situation. If the child is all ready in DHR care, we are unable to pursue an adoption. DHR works strictly with those who are all ready licensed foster parents. While we were licensed at one point, we were not licensed through DHR.
Also, we definately appreciate everyone keeping an ear out for us, but please make sure that the woman (and man) are pretty well decided on adoption before you present them to us or vice versa. Remember: this is a very difficult situation for the birth families. We do not want to make anyone feel like we are being pushy. Most women do not make a final decision on adoption as the final choice until well into their pregnancy, so while it is nice to let them know that you know someone who is looking to adopt we don't expect anyone to make a decision within the first (probably) five months of the pregnancy. A thought might be to let the birth mother and father know that you know someone who is looking to adopt and then leave it at that. Then, once they have made a decision, they know they can contact you if they are interested in knowing more.
As always, we truly appreciate all your love, support, and prayers. Thank you for everything you do for us!
Sunday, January 18, 2015
An update
Hi Everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in a really long time. Let me get you all caught up.
Our home study was officially completed the last week on June. We are now officially in the waiting process. Honestly, I have good days and bad days when it comes to my patience level. During the school year it is a lot easier to not focus on the waiting and just enjoy life; however, the holidays are really tough. The holidays this year were no exception! In all honesty, I think this year was the worst because we are justing waiting. There is not much that we can do. The waiting can be almost unbearable some days! However, I do know (even on the bad days) that our time is coming and that God knows the exact moment we will hold our precious baby. So, as it stands today, we have been waiting for 6.5 months and we are praying that 2015 will be the year we become parents.
A positive note in our lives: we have been blessed with the opportunity of hosting an exchange student this school year. Her name is Louise and she is an 18 year old from Belgium. This girl has seriously been such a blessing! Michael and I, and honestly anyone who has met her, have fallen in love with her. She is kind, yet honest. She is beautiful, yet humble. She is outgoing, yet loves her alone time. She is overall an amazing person! I am so glad that we were able to meet her and that she has become a part of our family. Having her here has definitely helped us during the waiting. I all ready dread her having to leave! Hopefully one day we will be able to visit her in Belgium and/or she will come back here to visit.
Now, this is just something that I have to get off my chest. It seems like at least once a week, usually more, I see a new article on Facebook about a baby being abandoned or killed by its parent(s). This is absolutely sickening to begin with, but for any couple who is dealing with infertility whether they are adopting or going through treatments, it is a punch in the gut. We want nothing more than to take in every single one of the abandoned babies. However, our system is so messed up that even though there are numerous families who would be willing to give them a stable home, the babies are put into the foster care system and will likely not be officially adopted until 2-3 years down the road. I just don't understand why a waiting family cannot automatically adopt these poor babies so that they are not put through the issues of growing up in foster care and being fearful of being taken away from the only family they have ever known. It simply makes no sense!
Sorry for this post being all over the place! Thank you for always encouraging us and praying for us and our future child. Please keep us in mind if you hear of anyone who is seriously considering adoption for their unborn child. This is not specific to family and friends in Alabama. We have an adoption lawyer who can work with other states as well. Our agency is run by a lawyer, so therefore we can be on their waiting list AND look into private adoption if the opportunity arises. I will try my best to update with any other news, but right now there just isn't much happening.
Our home study was officially completed the last week on June. We are now officially in the waiting process. Honestly, I have good days and bad days when it comes to my patience level. During the school year it is a lot easier to not focus on the waiting and just enjoy life; however, the holidays are really tough. The holidays this year were no exception! In all honesty, I think this year was the worst because we are justing waiting. There is not much that we can do. The waiting can be almost unbearable some days! However, I do know (even on the bad days) that our time is coming and that God knows the exact moment we will hold our precious baby. So, as it stands today, we have been waiting for 6.5 months and we are praying that 2015 will be the year we become parents.
A positive note in our lives: we have been blessed with the opportunity of hosting an exchange student this school year. Her name is Louise and she is an 18 year old from Belgium. This girl has seriously been such a blessing! Michael and I, and honestly anyone who has met her, have fallen in love with her. She is kind, yet honest. She is beautiful, yet humble. She is outgoing, yet loves her alone time. She is overall an amazing person! I am so glad that we were able to meet her and that she has become a part of our family. Having her here has definitely helped us during the waiting. I all ready dread her having to leave! Hopefully one day we will be able to visit her in Belgium and/or she will come back here to visit.
Now, this is just something that I have to get off my chest. It seems like at least once a week, usually more, I see a new article on Facebook about a baby being abandoned or killed by its parent(s). This is absolutely sickening to begin with, but for any couple who is dealing with infertility whether they are adopting or going through treatments, it is a punch in the gut. We want nothing more than to take in every single one of the abandoned babies. However, our system is so messed up that even though there are numerous families who would be willing to give them a stable home, the babies are put into the foster care system and will likely not be officially adopted until 2-3 years down the road. I just don't understand why a waiting family cannot automatically adopt these poor babies so that they are not put through the issues of growing up in foster care and being fearful of being taken away from the only family they have ever known. It simply makes no sense!
Sorry for this post being all over the place! Thank you for always encouraging us and praying for us and our future child. Please keep us in mind if you hear of anyone who is seriously considering adoption for their unborn child. This is not specific to family and friends in Alabama. We have an adoption lawyer who can work with other states as well. Our agency is run by a lawyer, so therefore we can be on their waiting list AND look into private adoption if the opportunity arises. I will try my best to update with any other news, but right now there just isn't much happening.
Friday, May 30, 2014
The Last Step
I'm writing today with some very exciting news! We have just scheduled our home study interviews which is the last step!
Since I finished school for the year last Friday, I have been working on getting all the paperwork finished up and turned in. We turned in the very last of it yesterday. Bekah, our adoption "consultant" (at least that's what I call her), put all of our file together and sent it to our new social worker who will conduct the interviews and help us through the remainder of the process along with Family Adoption Services.
The social worker, Edie (yes, it's a woman...long e at the beginning), contacted me today to set up our interviews. After having done this all before with the foster care process, we know what to expect of the interviews. We set them up for June 12th at 10:30. She said it should take about 2 hours which is a lot shorter than the foster care interviews took. This is due to the 4 page autobiography we had to turn in. There aren't many questions left to ask that we didn't answer in that document.
Once this part is complete, they will finish the home study write up and we will become legally able to adopt a child. Then comes the hard part in this whole process.....waiting. Once our home study is complete it is simply a matter of waiting to be chosen by a birth mother.
This is all becoming very real! I'm really hoping that we will be one of those lucky couples that doesn't have to wait a long time for their baby, but I know that God will bring us OUR child in HIS timing. Please continue to pray for us, Family Adoption Services, the birth mother, and the baby. We cannot wait until the day we can post pictures of our baby!
Since I finished school for the year last Friday, I have been working on getting all the paperwork finished up and turned in. We turned in the very last of it yesterday. Bekah, our adoption "consultant" (at least that's what I call her), put all of our file together and sent it to our new social worker who will conduct the interviews and help us through the remainder of the process along with Family Adoption Services.
The social worker, Edie (yes, it's a woman...long e at the beginning), contacted me today to set up our interviews. After having done this all before with the foster care process, we know what to expect of the interviews. We set them up for June 12th at 10:30. She said it should take about 2 hours which is a lot shorter than the foster care interviews took. This is due to the 4 page autobiography we had to turn in. There aren't many questions left to ask that we didn't answer in that document.
Once this part is complete, they will finish the home study write up and we will become legally able to adopt a child. Then comes the hard part in this whole process.....waiting. Once our home study is complete it is simply a matter of waiting to be chosen by a birth mother.
This is all becoming very real! I'm really hoping that we will be one of those lucky couples that doesn't have to wait a long time for their baby, but I know that God will bring us OUR child in HIS timing. Please continue to pray for us, Family Adoption Services, the birth mother, and the baby. We cannot wait until the day we can post pictures of our baby!
Sunday, May 4, 2014
One simple letter
I just finished writing our birth mother letter. I sent it to both sets of parents for them to look over it. Both sets said the letter sounded great. I'm so glad to have it done because this one letter could literally change our lives forever!
Honestly, while I was writing the letter I was simply focusing on making sure I included enough information while at the same time not giving too much personal information. Now that I'm done with the letter and have Michael's and our parents' approvals, it is really sinking in that this is all that a birth mother will have to decide if we are the family for her child. Wow! Two pages of information is all she gets. This will be the biggest decision of her life. This is a decision that will change all of our lives forever....and it's based off a two page letter.
I have so much respect for these birth mothers. Can you imagine being pregnant and scared? You make the choice to give your child the life that you can't give them by allowing your child to be adopted. Then, the agency gives you five letters from couples that match or closely match the characteristics you have asked for in an adoptive family. You then have two pages of information about this couple to decide if this is a family you can see raising your child. I don't know if I could do it!
Please continue to pray for us in this process as we come to the end of the home study and enter into the waiting period. Especially pray for the birth mother. Pray that she will be strong, that God will give her a sense of peace, that she will have a healthy pregnancy. Pray for the baby, that he/she might grow healthy and strong, pray that the delivery will go smoothly.
Keep in mind with our agency, we will not know we are matched with a baby until he/she is born and is 5 days old. They wait 5 days to call us because after 5 days, the birth mother must go to court to gain custody of the baby back. Therefore, once we get a call we will be able to immediately go get our baby. All of the pregnancy and delivery will have passed so that is why I ask for you to go ahead and pray for these things every time you think to pray for us and our child.
Thank you for your love, support, encouragement, and prayers!
Honestly, while I was writing the letter I was simply focusing on making sure I included enough information while at the same time not giving too much personal information. Now that I'm done with the letter and have Michael's and our parents' approvals, it is really sinking in that this is all that a birth mother will have to decide if we are the family for her child. Wow! Two pages of information is all she gets. This will be the biggest decision of her life. This is a decision that will change all of our lives forever....and it's based off a two page letter.
I have so much respect for these birth mothers. Can you imagine being pregnant and scared? You make the choice to give your child the life that you can't give them by allowing your child to be adopted. Then, the agency gives you five letters from couples that match or closely match the characteristics you have asked for in an adoptive family. You then have two pages of information about this couple to decide if this is a family you can see raising your child. I don't know if I could do it!
Please continue to pray for us in this process as we come to the end of the home study and enter into the waiting period. Especially pray for the birth mother. Pray that she will be strong, that God will give her a sense of peace, that she will have a healthy pregnancy. Pray for the baby, that he/she might grow healthy and strong, pray that the delivery will go smoothly.
Keep in mind with our agency, we will not know we are matched with a baby until he/she is born and is 5 days old. They wait 5 days to call us because after 5 days, the birth mother must go to court to gain custody of the baby back. Therefore, once we get a call we will be able to immediately go get our baby. All of the pregnancy and delivery will have passed so that is why I ask for you to go ahead and pray for these things every time you think to pray for us and our child.
Thank you for your love, support, encouragement, and prayers!
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